Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Life's Little Mysteries

I would like to start off by saying, for the record, that I love my dear husband very much. Now, having said that...I am sooooo jealous, I might have to hurt him!

Let me explain.

I have been on a diet for a while. And off and on, I actually TRY to stick to it. The last month is a good example. I've been exercising during the day (leg lifts, crunches, girlie push-ups, lunges, etc.), walking in the evenings when the weather permits, dancing around the house with the kids when it doesn't, and honestly trying to control my portions.

I will also admit there are certain foods I WILL NOT give up. Chocolate. Diet Coke. Reduced Fat Ruffles Potato Chips. But I really, really try to limit the portions to 100 calorie snacks in the afternoons, and try to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day in addition to a couple of Diet Cokes.

Now we get to my husband. Apparently their family gene pool includes super-human metabolic combustion rates. My oldest brother-in-law admitted to me on their last visit that he probably eats 3,000-4,000 calories a day. A DAY! And he's not a big guy at all. He's tall (they're all tall) but not big.

So I've been talking to my DH about exercising and losing weight, and limiting my portions at dinner. He says, "You know. That sounds like a good idea. I might give that a try."

He mentions this last week.

He gets on the scale last night and says, "Wow, I've already lost, like, 7 pounds."

7 pounds. In a week.

It's taken me a month to lose 5 pounds!

Trying to control my temper so I don't fly across the room and strangle him with my bare hands, I ask, "What have you been doing?"

Oblivious to the hurricane brewing on the bed, he says, "Oh, not much. Eating peanuts for a snack instead of a candy bar. Taking the stairs to my office instead of the elevator." His office is on the second floor, by the way.

He's also been mowing the yard with a push mower on the weekends, so I'll give him that, but COME ON! Peanuts and two flights of stairs?! That's it?!

Last night we made fajitas for dinner. Lean grilled flank steak, grilled peppers and onions, reduced fat cheese and salsa. That's it. No guacamole, no sour cream, no margaritas to wash them down. I ate two tortillas filled with mostly meat and veggies. My husband ate five.


How is this fair? I know. No one ever said life is fair, but sheesh. I'm afraid I might hurt him in a jealous rage when he mentions he's switched to a diet of ice cream, pie, and cheese burgers, and loses another 20 pounds or something.

So sweetheart, if you're reading this, please understand, it's not you. But if I throw something at your head next week because you lost another ten pounds by eating pork rinds and walking around the house in your undies, just duck and lie. Tell me you've been jogging five miles during your lunch hour every day in the scorching summer heat.

I'll believe you.

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